I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize