you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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