im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
