There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
