You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
