Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
