Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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