Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
