I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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