Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
