Define "chronic" masturbator.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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