May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
