It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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