when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
