Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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