I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
