Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I believe in your delicious
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
