I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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