Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
