we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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