How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
