Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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