At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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