how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
