Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize