I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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