Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
