remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
