That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize