you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
