So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
