capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
