Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
