So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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