I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
