think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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