in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
