so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
