Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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