Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
