I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
