Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
