she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
