Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
