i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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