Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
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