I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
