We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
