After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
