I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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