Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
