there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
