just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
