People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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