I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
