Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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