Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
