K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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