You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
