So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
