in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
