you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
