If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
