if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
