She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
