we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize