I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
