Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
