Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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