Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
