don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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