Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Its about making memories worth repressing
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
