i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
