direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
