conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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