I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
