3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
